Saturday, September 25, 2010
Growing Old
What a difference 30 years makes:
1972: Long hair
2002: Longing for hair
1972: The perfect high
2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund
1972: Acid rock
2002: Acid reflux
1972: Moving to California because it's cool
2002: Moving to California because it's warm
1972: Growing pot
2002: Growing pot belly
1972: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2002: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1972: Seeds and stems
2002: Roughage
1972: Popping pills, smoking joints
2002: Popping joints
1972: Killer weed
2002: Weed killer
1972: The Grateful Dead
2002: Dr. Kevorkian
1972: Going to a new, hip joint
2002: Receiving a new hip joint
1972: Rolling Stones
2002: Kidney Stones
1972: Being called into the principal's office
2002: Calling the principal's office
1972: Screw the system
2002: Upgrade the system
1972: Disco
2002: Costco
1972: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2002: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1972: Taking acid
2002: Taking antacid
1972: Passing the drivers' test
2002: Passing the vision test
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things.
Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming first years.
Here's this year's list:
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1983.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
The CD was introduced the year they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
Michael Jackson has always been white.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old fogies in your life.
1972: Long hair
2002: Longing for hair
1972: The perfect high
2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund
1972: Acid rock
2002: Acid reflux
1972: Moving to California because it's cool
2002: Moving to California because it's warm
1972: Growing pot
2002: Growing pot belly
1972: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2002: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1972: Seeds and stems
2002: Roughage
1972: Popping pills, smoking joints
2002: Popping joints
1972: Killer weed
2002: Weed killer
1972: The Grateful Dead
2002: Dr. Kevorkian
1972: Going to a new, hip joint
2002: Receiving a new hip joint
1972: Rolling Stones
2002: Kidney Stones
1972: Being called into the principal's office
2002: Calling the principal's office
1972: Screw the system
2002: Upgrade the system
1972: Disco
2002: Costco
1972: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2002: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1972: Taking acid
2002: Taking antacid
1972: Passing the drivers' test
2002: Passing the vision test
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things.
Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming first years.
Here's this year's list:
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1983.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
The CD was introduced the year they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
Michael Jackson has always been white.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old fogies in your life.
Real Product Labels
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a blanket from Taiwan: Not to be used as protection from a tornado.
On a steering wheel lock: Warning--remove lock before driving.
On a flower pot: Houseplants are for ornamental use and should not be consumed.
On a bottle of milk: After opening, keep upright.
In instructions for assembling an Ikea desk: It is advisory to be two people during assembly.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions. Use like regular soap.
On a pair of lambskin gloves: No lambs were killed in the making of these gloves.
On a New Zealand insect spray: This product not tested on animals.
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion--defrost.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box): Do not turn upside down.
On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
On a box of toothpicks: Hand-polished, by machine.
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning--may cause drowsiness.
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning--keep out of children.
On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning--contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions--open packet, eat nuts.
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
On a hair coloring kit: Do not use as an ice cream topping.
On a hotel-provided shower cap box: Fits one head.
On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
On a bottle of Chinese medicine: Expiration date, two years.
On a rearview mirror: Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you.
On a Chinese packet of peanuts: Open packet and eat contents.
On a blanket from Taiwan: Not to be used as protection from a tornado.
On a steering wheel lock: Warning--remove lock before driving.
On a flower pot: Houseplants are for ornamental use and should not be consumed.
On a bottle of milk: After opening, keep upright.
In instructions for assembling an Ikea desk: It is advisory to be two people during assembly.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions. Use like regular soap.
On a pair of lambskin gloves: No lambs were killed in the making of these gloves.
On a New Zealand insect spray: This product not tested on animals.
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion--defrost.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box): Do not turn upside down.
On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
On a box of toothpicks: Hand-polished, by machine.
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning--may cause drowsiness.
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning--keep out of children.
On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning--contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions--open packet, eat nuts.
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
On a hair coloring kit: Do not use as an ice cream topping.
On a hotel-provided shower cap box: Fits one head.
On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
On a bottle of Chinese medicine: Expiration date, two years.
On a rearview mirror: Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you.
On a Chinese packet of peanuts: Open packet and eat contents.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
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