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Sunday, June 12, 2011

A Look at American Word Humor


hese are wonder words because they make you wonder…
 
  • Isn’t itfruitless to eat your vegetables? 
  • Did you ever wonder why funeral starts with the word fun? 
  • What are you vacating when you go on vacation? 
  • Wouldn’t it be more accurate to call a fireman a waterman? 
  • Can you enjoy a party fully? 
  • In the navy, is a portly person left-handed? 
  • Is a precaution something you get before a caution? 
  • Do undertakers actually undertake when it comes to fees for service? 
  • Could we call an abstract painting an artificial artifice? 
  • At sundown wouldn’t you expect nightrise instead of nightfall? 
  • Would you expect a high-rise of flats to be very tall? 
  • Isn’t kidnapping normal in kindergartens?  
  • Are overjoyed people too happy? 
  • Why do they call marriage matrimony instead of patrimony? 
  • Just before an artist’s model takes a break, is she predisposed? 
  • Would the ugly truth be called the lowdown lowdown? 
  • How come lipstick doesn’t do what it says? 
  • If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches? 
  • If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? 
  • If you run errands, aren’t you a go-getter? 
  • Why don’t we say farrer instead of farther, or nearther instead of nearer? 
  • Isn’t a good steak rarely well done? 
  • Didn’t rearing children once have something to do with spanking their butts? 
  • Wouldn’t it be more correct to call a butterfly a flowerfly? 
  • If you pull the wings off a fly, does it become a walk? 
  • If somebody is armed to the teeth, does he have a neck? 
  • If you cease to be, then come alive, are you deceased? 
  • How come you are still sitting after you sat. 
  • Isn’t it amazing that anyone can stand sitting? 
  • Instead of a personality, does a dog have a dogality? 
  • How come someone can be canny and uncanny at the same time? 
  • What’s the point of flattery? 
  • If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? 
  • Exactly what is so fast about quicksand? 
  • Aren’t half-baked ideas rare? 
  • How do you get off a non-stop flight? 
  • When you cash a check, do you check the cash? 
  • What is so proper about property? 
  • Isn’t anything underwater also over water? 
  • Are outstanding pay checks good or bad? 
  • Why do they call dwellings stuck together apartments? 
  • Can you orient yourself out west? 
  • Why are there interstates in Hawaii? 
  • Why do caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing? 
  • If you are just kidding, isn’t that childish? 
  • At the drive-in theaters, was there a lot of autoeroticism? 
  • Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? 
  • Isn’t it odd that sweetmeat is basically bread while sweetbread is meat? 
  • Why do we hear music from speakers and dial talk-shows on tuners? 
  • Why is brassiere singular and panties plural? 
  • How come people recite at a play and play at a recital? 
  • Why do we iron our clothes and paper our walls? 
  • Why are goods sent by ship called cargo and those sent by truck shipment? 
  • Why does worthless mean the opposite of priceless? 
  • Why are the bigheaded usually also small-minded? 
  • In court, how come you can’t swear except under oath? 
  • Doesn’t it seem the opposite of ability should be nobility? 
  • If you get a scratch on your car, can you make something from it? 
  • Is it all right to put cups in the dishwasher and dishes in the cupboard? 
  • Isn’t it odd that to tell time, you look at the hands on the face on the wrist? 
  • If you are assassinated instead of just murdered, are you important? 
  • Shouldn’t guests leave a banquest fed up? 
  • In a stadium, why do they call a place where you sit the stands? 
  • How come cook and kook aren’t pronounced the same? 
  • Would you rather have your bank account frozen, liquidated, or evaporated? 
  • Can you comprehend the language of a comprehensive insurance policy? 
  • If you have a temper, can you give it away? Or get another? 
  • Why does a tugboat mostly push things in the harbor? 
  • Did you ever have a comb you couldn’t part with? 
  • Is it good if a vacuum cleaner really sucks? 
  • What does it mean when the odds are even against you?

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